my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
