Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
