Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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