The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
