All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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