yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
