I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
