I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
