so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize