If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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