I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
ttyl tear gas
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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