i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
