Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
