Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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