I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
