dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I want her autograph on my taint
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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