at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
