I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
