I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
