Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need to sanitize my soul.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
