I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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