If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
