the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize