she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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