i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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