Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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