dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
