True but thats because hes a fetus.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
