I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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