i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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