before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Church boner. Awkwardddd
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
