I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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