:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm at about main and main street
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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