"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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