woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I deserve this hangover.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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