maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
