My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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