how can u be prego again
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
