We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
