Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
