you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
