Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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