Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
