I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
