we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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