please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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