I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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