Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
