how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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