I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize