im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
