You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
