I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
