I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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