idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
