I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
