See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize