my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
