I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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