So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
