So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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