You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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