if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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