I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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