Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
