remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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