I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
