Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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