forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
