his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
porn star boner night. come get it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize