Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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