Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
